![]() The commissioned study by the Mental Health Foundation also found that 59% of us expect to hear a lie when we ask someone, “how are you doing?”. That’s a pretty bad way to look at life, isn’t it? If I’m not looking for help to find a solution, then I don’t see the point of wasting both our times on a pointless conversation. After all, we say sorry for everything, even for stuff that wasn’t our fault.Īs I said, I say it to avoid lying to people so I’m not claiming to be “fine” when I’m not, but I also can’t be doing with the hassle of explaining my complex issues to someone else either. Politeness and awkwardness is probably a common reason for a lot of British people, that’s for sure. ![]() The situation/context around where and when you’re asked could also be a factor. The obvious reasons we use the generic “I’m fine” reply when we’re asked how we are is probably a combination of several factors: politeness, awkwardness, fear of being a burden, and not wanting to be seen as struggling. I'm still alive, how are you?- Unwanted Life March 8, 2019 I'm still alive, so I can't be doing that bad- Unwanted Life May 25, 2019 Here are a couple of examples of me doing just that on Twitter: ![]() I do this because its humourous, knocks people slightly off guard, and avoids me having to lie to someone about how I’m actually doing. I have my own variation on replying to questions on how I am by saying “I’m alive” rather than “I’m fine”. Many times, they are not.The Mental Health Foundation commissioned a study on 2000 people and found that an adult will say “I’m fine” 14 times a week, but only 19% will actually mean it.Īccording to the study funded by Mental Health Foundation, 34% of people use the term “I’m fine” because it’s easier than explaining how they really are, and I get that, I really do. For once, let’s take what others say at face value, and assume they are not lying to us about their innermost feelings. ![]() Obviously, there are instances where the person sounds sarcastic or truly dejected, but please take those instances on a case-by-case basis and don’t automatically assume that everyone is feeling completely awful or that everyone wants to talk about their emotions. Tone is an important thing to consider when conversing with friends. If we suspect that a friend is going through something difficult (even though she claims to be fine), we can say, “If you need to talk about anything, I’m here,” but we shouldn’t immediately jump to the conclusion that everyone who doesn’t say “I FEEL AWESOME!” is crying on the inside. Because of this, we should treat everyone with the kindness and understanding we would wish to receive from others. There are plenty of things we don’t know about other people and their struggles, insecurities and relationships. It’s true that all of us have a lot going on underneath the surface. (Having said that, if anyone ever types “K.” in a text message, you know that person is pissed off.) Whenever I’ve made the mistake of using the word “fine,” guys I’ve dated have even said, “I know you’re not fine, because no girl ever actually says that and means it.” How awful is that? Forget all of the other overanalyzing that both sexes do when it comes to decoding the other one’s text messages. This extends into those viral dating articles about “what she really means when she says _.” In today’s culture, I would expect these sweeping generalizations from a men’s magazine (no offense, guys!), but women’s magazines and lifestyle websites are just as guilty of these articles. In the past, when I have told others I am “fine” after a stressful event, it genuinely meant “I’m fine” – or, at the very worst, “I’d rather not talk about it, so let’s leave it alone.” It has never meant “I am hanging on by a single thread and I am dying for you to probe for more information.” And yet, it seems that whenever I say something is “fine” or “okay,” people interpret it as a walking Tumblr meme, with the faceless girl crying into her eclectic sweater. I’ve never been a fan of these quotes because they’ve really popularized a culture of not saying what we mean. We’ve all seen those Tumblr images about the girl who says she’s “fine.” You know the ones I’m talking about, the ones that say things like “When I say ‘I’m fine,’ I want someone to hold me close and tell me, ‘No you’re not.’” The ones that confess that any time we tell others we are okay, we are clearly lying, because how can we ever truly be okay?
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